"Hi I'm Video Des! I used to be in a band - you may recognise me - and I also worked in a library. This invaluable experience has helped me to spot Shakespearean characters from a mile off. Can't be many around today! I hear you cry, but No! The truth of the matter is, The Bard's inventions are All Around Us. Just look at this for proof. This month alone, I have managed to find three (three!) Shakespearean characters.
ROMEO
- The famous lover of Juliet! I managed to track him down to a small semi-detached house in Welwyn Garden City - starting to look his age! After a brief phone call he invited me round for a chat over coffee and bags of Wotsits. It didn't take me long to find out that he's been divorced from Juliet for 12 years. A disagreement over patio paving colours proved too much, and Juliet fled the house to live with their long-time neighbour, Dave Grohl of Nirvana and Foo Fighters fame. This was too great for Romeo to bare and he promptly firebombed the house. He was later arrested and served an 8 year stretch in prison. Now he lives a sedate life working as an estate agent, and is married to a single mother called Beverly. He has a step-son called Neville. He is fat.
CALIBAN
- The beast-type creature, son-of-a-witch from the Tempest was last seen by myself in Lakeside shopping centre, Thurrock, Essex. At first Caliban proved difficult to spot as he has been washing his excessive hair in Pantene Pro V, maintaining a cleaner image. However, in the shopping centre he was struggling with a number of Netto carrierbags (the cheapskate!)., and hanging around outside the men's toilets. I later spotted him shouting obscenities at small children before he was bundled into a waiting Police van. He is currently on bail.
HAMLET
- The Danish bloke. It took me months of hard work to track him down, my big break occurring when a friend of mine bumped into him at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in Dagenham. After posing as an alcoholic the next meeting by carrying a Vimto bottle in a brown paper bag I managed to sneak in and talk to him. He had been recently sacked from his job as gameshow host on Moldovan television after an on-screen murder in which he was later cleared of all charges. A short stint as a HGV driver resulted in failure after he drove a truck load of chickens into the North Sea after taking the wrong turning. This big FOWL UP (geddit?) along with allegations of tree surgery, pushed him over the edge and into the realm of alcoholic escapism. Unfortunately for Hamlet, he couldn't escape from me finding him out! Ha!
So there you have it! Chalk up three Shakespearos on your Shakespearometer!
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