On the 14th July this year, plumber Anthony J Brown from Hounslow suffered a problem at home when the washing machine broke down. He was most put out and had to call Comet out, who in true Comet style refused to do anything at all.
Judas Bradley says - Don't worry Anthony J Brown! Worse things happen at sea!
On the 12th May 1793, a ship travelling from Plymouth to Boston collided with a floating Zulu homestead three and a half thousand miles from it's mountain top. The ship was instantly disabled and the innocent sailors suddenly found themselves surrounded by Zulu's, angry at the fact that the year's supply of meercat cheese, their chief source of calcium, was sinking into the sea bed. The sailors, understandably, wet themselves. One of the more stupid Zulu's decided to drink the urine. He found it very much to his taste and the sailors spent the rest of the voyage pissing on request for the drinking pleasures of the Zulu's. To cap it all off, the boat later hit an iceberg and sank.
Earlier this month, Fred Harrison, 83, of Bellvue Crescent, Preston, slipped on a banana skin and dislocated his hip. He had been too busy watching pigeons and exclaiming - "Fooking pigeons!" at every opportunity to spot the banana skin. He spent six months in traction and had his pension rights removed as a result.
Judas Bradley says - Cheer up Fred Harrison! Worse things happen at sea!
On the 29th March 1986, the entire population of the Pacific island of Tumatru left, on a sightseeing voyage of a nearby volcano. Whilst circling the volcano in their large ferry-boat, a Mongolia Airlines jet flying above them carrying a cargo of monks and llamas suffered a decompression. This caused the world's biggest llama, nicknamed "Clarry" by the world's media, and the world's fattest monk, Barry, from Barrytown in Wales, to be sucked out of the aeroplane. The fat monk crashed straight through the ship, holing it and causing it to sink. The entire population of Tumatru had to cram into the single lifeboat. This was subsequently sunk by Clarry the fat llama falling from an altitude of 33,000 feet. The surviving islanders were all eaten by sharks. |
